She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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