just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize