I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am naked and annoyed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
