Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You are a genius and a whore.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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