We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Found the puke drawer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
