That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Never underestimate the power of titties
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
