I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
