i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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