Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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