Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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