Tell her she can't have a vagina
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
