My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
