I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
