Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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