he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
