Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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