Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
