there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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