Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have aggressive nipples.
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