Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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