He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
