I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
