I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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