You just made me feel so damn special
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
