god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
