Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
