apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
