thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
