I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
