I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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