i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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