At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dignity is for republicans.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
