Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize