I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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