I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
NoShamevember. You game?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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