Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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