Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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