If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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