ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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