just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
