i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
