? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
