Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
