I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
