its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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