no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
