Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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