I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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