I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
