The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
