Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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