Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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