there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
