he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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