If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
