Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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