she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
