I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Boobs speak an international language.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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