mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
