guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
