Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
